Self esteem counseling is a service provided by someone who knows or has been educated and trained in helping people increase their self esteem.
Because I have 15 years of experience actively working on increasing my self esteem to high self esteem, I am going to “pretend” I am counseling a fictitious person in this article. I am going to write a hypothetical self esteem counseling session of someone with low self esteem coming to their first appointment with me.
I admit from the beginning that I don’t have all the answers. Everyone is different and some people are more willing than others to change. I can’t force someone to change. All I can do is provide a safe space for people to hopefully let down their guard, open up, and then we’ll go from there.
Patient: Hi, I’m Joan.
Me: How can I help you today, Joan?
Joan: I’ve got low self esteem and it’s driving me crazy!
Me: I see. (Passive listening, non-judgemental)
Joan: I have terrible relationships with men. They always leave me. (On the verge of becoming emotional).
Me: Uh-huh. (Passive listening, non-judgemental)Joan: I don’t know what to do. (Emotional)
Me: You’re upset and really stumped about what to do. (Active listening with feeling)
Joan: Yes!! Begins crying. I give her some Kleenex tissue.
Me: Joan, how would you feel about me teaching you to really be there for yourself.
Joan: How would that stop men from leaving me?
Me: The more you are there for yourself, the less chance of men leaving you. When you increase your self awareness and change your internal world, the world of thoughts, feelings and your spirit, your outer world changes as well. Your outer world is made up of people, places and things.
The outer always reflects the inner. When you are really in your own corner, when you really go to bat just for yourself everything changes to reflect this new positive thought pattern. Very simply said, like attracts like. When you aren’t there for yourself, men aren’t there for you either. When you are there for yourself, guess what?
Joan: Men are there for me. How do I do that? Be there for myself?
Me: First off, I am going to teach you, to really love yourself.
Joan: Love myself?!!, I don’t even like myself!
Me: Well how about liking yourself first, then loving yourself second, how does that sound?
Joan: It sounds good, I’m a little scared though. I haven’t liked myself in a long long time.
Me: We’ll do baby steps. Are you okay with that?
Joan: Yes, I can do baby steps.
Me: Okay, first we’ll start with self esteem affirmations to begin the process of changing your negative mindset into a positive one. A self esteem affirmation is a positive, in the present moment, statement.
Joan, I want you to take the most negative thought you have about yourself and flip it around to a positive self esteem affirmation. I’ll get you some paper and a pen. Okay, here you go.
Joan: Write down the most negative thought I have about myself? I have so many.
Me: Pick one.
Joan: I really don’t like myself.
Me: Okay, flip that around and write – I Joan really like myself. Now write that statement out, and then write your ego minds response right after. Your ego minds response (which is usually negative), is your first thought you have after writing out the positive affirmation. Now do that 30 times a day with the corresponding ego minds response.
After a week or so, if you notice an ego minds response that repeats itself the most, take that statement, and write it out 30 times a day with the ego minds response as well. Keep writing the affirmations until your ego minds response is mostly neutral and or positive.
What this does is release all the negativity and resistance you have to liking yourself. This may take several weeks so please be patient. This is how you will know your negative belief is changing into a positive one.
You’re worth the time, effort, money and love, Joan. If you need help with anything or you have questions call me or e-mail me. Here’s my business card.
And so ends my hypothetical self esteem counseling session. Everyone is different. Some can let down their guard quickly, others cannot. Like I said earlier, all I can do is provide a safe, loving space as well as use my experience in helping people raise their self esteem.
Self esteem counseling is a viable solution for people who prefer a human touch.