Self Esteem Guide We Get What We Focus On!

This self esteem guide will help you along the path to greater self esteem. It is designed simply to keep you on course and what to look out for. It helps you to pay attention to the internal cues, the inner most signals that something needs to be paid attention to.

It is this paying attention to that helps us increase our self-awareness. With increased self-awareness comes the opportunity of choice. With choice comes personal power and the possibility of having our lives work.


Self Esteem Guide

Please print this article and have it close by. Refer to it often especially when you become upset about something or feeling stressed about a situation.

3 Principles to Live By:

1). I am responsible for myself and my life.

No person, place or thing can make me think what I think, feel what I feel or do what I do. It’s all ME! My life is my own. I am the one in charge, if something good happens and especially if something bad happens. I am a powerful man/woman.

Refer to this 1st principle when you become upset about something or feel stressed about a situation.

For example:

Say you’ve been asked to host Xmas dinner this year. You have always felt like the black sheep of the family. You definitely don’t feel understood by your family. The stress is mounting and fear of being criticized is uppermost in your mind. PAY ATTENTION to these internal signals.

Stop and ask yourself these questions:

What am I feeling right now?  Scared, angry and resentful.

What is my most negative thought about this situation? I’ll never be understood by my family. They will always find fault with me or something I’ve done. I can never do it good enough for them.

Who is in charge of my life?  Me.

Am I an adult?  Yes

Is the parenting over? Yes

The last 2 questions help with putting the situation into perspective and also helps us get back to the present moment. The point of power is always in the present moment.


2). It is very important to have healthy boundaries.

Boundaries let us know where we start and where we end. They are absolutely essential to having healthy relationships. What you think of me is none of my business and what I think of you is none of your business.

Having healthy boundaries means you will let people into your personal space only if you permit it. For example in the above situation where one is hosting the family Xmas dinner and you are the recipient of some criticism. When you have your boundaries “up” (no one is getting into your personal space), these critical comments will mean little or anything to you. If you reacted to these comments in the past and you stop reacting to them now, the person or persons will eventually give up trying to “get a rise out of you”. Having healthy boundaries is the beginning of emotional maturity.


3). We get what we focus on - the last principle in the self esteem guide.

Simply said if we focus on our negative mindsets we get more negativity. If we focus on the positive we get more positivity. Whatever we focus on we’ll get more of that which we focus on. Where attention goes, positive or negative energy flows.

In the above example of hosting a family Xmas dinner, if we focus on all the “bad stuff” that could happen, we end up feeling depressed and stressed out. If instead we focus on what could go right, we get more positive energy.


Use this self esteem guide as a tool to help with improving one’s self esteem. Paying attention to our internal signals and taking responsibility, having healthy boundaries and focusing on the positive are choices we can all make.

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