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Up The Love, Issue #001 -- passive listening.
May 01, 2016
Welcome to the 1st issue of the Up The Love newsletter!!
Please tell all your friends about this newsletter and ask them to sign up. If and when they do, they receive 2 FREE pdf e-reports, just for signing up!!
This monthly newsletter contains, original articles, best tips on raising self esteem, inspiring stories and quotes to bend your ear and even make you laugh.
In this 1st issue we learn how to indeed up the love with an original never before seen article, guaranteed to inspire, tug at your heart strings, make you think and maybe even make you take action and up the love in your own world!!
Also check out the following articles recently posted to www.selfesteemhelpnow.com:
self esteem quotes
guide to happiness
what is high self esteem
self esteem exercises for women
building self esteem for women
The Gift Of Upping the love!!1). You have been actively working on yourself, increasing your self esteem.
2). You are approached by someone with obvious low self esteem issues.
3). You can tell by their body posture that somethings up.
4). Then they start talking to you and all you hear is whining and complaining.
5). What do you do?!!! Ignore them hoping they will stop and go away?! Pretend to listen?!!
6). Breathe and give each of you some space by taking a step back.
7). Then give the gift. Up the love!!
Use Passive Listening To Make Them Feel Heard!!Passive listening is a communication skill where you put aside all your advice, opinions, judgements, etc and use comments like “Uh-Huh”; "I see”; "Interesting" to whatever they are saying no matter how negative!!
What this means is you suspend the desire or impulse to offer advice, unsolicited advice, advice not asked for by the other person.
It is designed to be non-confrontational and to give the other person room to express themselves without concern or fear of being told what to do; advised; judged; ridiculed or ignored.
To Note: Only offer advice if and when they ask for it!
Passive listening keeps the ball in their court, meaning their problems stay with them and you are not drawn into the drama of their situation.
You remain neutral and perhaps silently concerned. This allows the other person the opportunity to take some responsibility.
What can happen:
1). The other person feels heard, less stressed, and moves on, thanking you for listening.
2). The other person is looking for agreement from you on how bad things are, finds none, becomes frustrated and moves on.
3). The other person comes to a realization that they’re the source of the problem, becomes emotional, breaks down.
Offer a hug. Do this if they say yes, don’t if they say no. Be respectful of their vulnerability.
Everyone wants to be heard especially when upset or facing problems that in the moment feel bigger than they are. Be the bigger person. Not ego based bigger, bigger from a spiritual compassionate viewpoint. If you can do this you are providing an enormous service to the other person.
They Are Probably Being Heard For The First Time In Their Lives!!!
You: Hi Martha, (your good friend), how’s it going?
Martha: Terrible. I just had a fight with my boyfriend and I’m upset.
You: I see
Martha: He just doesn’t listen to me and he only thinks of himself.
Martha: What am I going to do? I don’t want to leave him yet I deserve better. I want someone that listens to me and values me.
Martha: Breaks down and starts crying.
You: Would you like a hug?
Martha: Yes. Thanks for listening.
By using passive listening and not allowing yourself to get drawn into the drama of Martha’s life, you are allowing her to experience what she needs to in her situation.
Water’s wet, rocks are hard, and Martha’s situation is hers and hers alone. She is ultimately responsible for the circumstances she finds herself in.
Perhaps she recognizes a pattern with her relationships that she always attracts men who don’t listen and don’t value her and that is why she is crying. Is it ever going to be different??!! Why does this always happen to me??!!
By passive listening and not agreeing with her about how rotten her boyfriend is, you are really saying “What you are experiencing is important and I really hear you”.
Mature, responsible, compassionate listening.
The real opportunity is for Martha to own her experience and through a heightened sense of self awareness (because you didn’t agree with her about anything), take some responsibility and make conscious changes in her life.
Actually, the more she really listens to and values herself, the more she will attract the right person into her life. The outer always reflects the inner.
Pay Off And Cost!!Pay off.
What’s in it for you??!! What are you getting out of doing this, passive listening??!!
You are making a profound difference in someone who feels powerless in the moment to help themselves.
By really listening to this person without offering advice or silently judging them or passively or aggressively ignoring them, you hear their cry for love!!
Time. The cost of passive listening to a person feeling like a victim, is your time. Is it worth it??!! If you have the time, inclination and patience, and are sincere and honest in your motives, yes it’s more than worth it!!!
There’s something almost reverent and mystical about giving someone the room to experience what they’re experiencing. It is also very respectful. It is saying “I respect you so much and trust in your capacity to figure out your own problems” that I will extend my willingness to really listening to what you have to say.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this original article.
The next newsletter is due out June 1st, 2016.
Self esteem quote: My how you’ve changed since I’ve changed!
Comments, questions and observations please e-mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
With love, Dave.
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