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Up The Love, Issue #002 --raising self esteem
June 01, 2016
Welcome to the 2nd issue of the Up The Love newsletter!!
Please tell all your friends about this newsletter and ask them to sign up. If and when they do, they receive 2 FREE pdf e-reports, just for signing up!!
This monthly newsletter contains, original articles, best tips on raising self esteem, inspiring stories and quotes to bend your ear and even make you laugh.
In this 2nd issue we learn the 3 best tips on raising self esteem. How to boost self esteem to feel great about who we are; change negative mindsets into positive mindsets; eliminate depression and experience more joy than you ever thought possible!!
Also check out the following articles recently posted to www.selfesteemhelpnow.com:
self esteem facts
low self worth
self confidence tips
men with low self esteem
The 3 Best Tips On Raising Self Esteem1). Increase self awareness.
2). Learn to take responsibility.
3). Finally do the emotional work coupled with self esteem affirmations. The most powerful current method to raise self esteem.
Increase Self AwarenessRemember in real estate the big saying is location, location, location? In increasing self awareness, it’s pay attention, pay attention, pay attention!! Pay attention to your inside thoughts. Are most of these thoughts positive or negative? If negative pay attention to what they are saying. If most of them are saying you’re not good enough, practice telling yourself I am good enough.
Whatever is the most negative and frequent inside thought, flip it around into a positive statement and tell yourself that. As soon as you do this you are increasing your self awareness. You are becoming more aware of the thoughts you are thinking.
Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Ask yourself what am I feeling right now? By doing this you are now focusing your attention on your inside world rather than your outside world made up of people, places and things.
Learn To Take ResponsibilityIn a quiet place and space, grab a blank piece of 8 ½ by 11 inch paper (lined okay, completely blank fine), a pencil and a hardcover book to place the paper on. Please make sure there are no possibilities of being interrupted, such as kids, cell phones, etc. On this piece of paper, draw a small circle in the middle of the paper, say around 3 inches in diameter, (doesn’t have to be a perfect circle). Now on the outside of this 3 inch circle write down the following anywhere in that blank space: • My Family, My Body, My Money, My Friends. • My Intimate relationships, My Job. • My Thoughts, My Feelings, My Opinions. • My Leisure time, My traveling, My Health • My Career, My School. • My judgements of myself and others.
Now we need to ask ourselves the all-important question “What do all these things have in common?” What do all these things have in common? ME! I am the one thing they have in common. This is one of the most powerful and useful self esteem exercises I know!
Taking ResponsibilityWhen we stop being a victim. When we stop blaming others for our misfortunes. When we stop projecting on others, and take responsibility for ourselves, our self esteem immediately increases and we get our power back. It’s 100% zero, not 50 50! When our self esteem increases and we get our power back, our focus changes. We now focus on ourselves and what makes us genuinely happy.
Taking responsibility is taking ownership of our lives and everything in it. If this is hard to get, I understand. I had a hard time too. I didn’t initially believe in taking responsibility for anything. I blamed my parents, my teachers, my friends, my girlfriends etc for my unhappiness. I used to rant and rave and point my finger a lot.
I changed when I got the cost of blaming others. The cost of blaming others is I get to have a poor relationship with them. Then I started taking responsibility and everything changed.
To the degree that we take responsibility for ourselves and our lives, is the degree we immediately improve our self esteem. When we know it’s us, our self esteem gets better. We automatically feel better about ourselves. Then the real dance begins and we can move forward into high self esteem.
Emotional Work PLUS Self Esteem AffirmationsThe emotional work coupled with self esteem affirmations is the most powerful method for healing the past, raising self esteem, creating more self love and having our lives work!
Why is this such a powerful method? It’s so powerful because we are involving 3 out of 4 elements of a human being.
The physical (feelings are felt in the body); the mental (affirmations) and the emotional (feelings). They are all connected. This triples the capacity for healing. If we include a spiritual practice such as meditation we can achieve even more healing and balance. How to use the emotional work and self esteem affirmations:
Before you begin the emotional work write out one of the following self esteem affirmations – whichever one you feel drawn to. 1). It is safe and rewarding for me (first name) to feel all my feelings.
2). All my feelings are important.
3). I (your first name) feel very safe in expressing and releasing all my feelings.
Pick one of the 3 affirmations you feel drawn to and write it out 30 times a day, with the corresponding ego minds response written on the right hand side of the paper. The ego minds response is the first thought you think after writing the affirmation. It is usually negative. If after a week or so of writing the positive self esteem affirmation AND the corresponding ego minds response, you notice a response that repeats itself more than once. Take that statement, flip it around into a positive statement and write that out 30 times a day with the corresponding ego minds response. Keep repeating the process until your ego minds response is mostly neutral and or positive. Give yourself some time, say a few weeks, to mentally untangle any and all negativity and resistance you have around feeling and releasing your feelings.
Having your ego minds response be neutral or even positive will go a long way in making you feel safe regarding your feelings.
Emotional WorkWorking with our feelings can be most challenging, yet the rewards are so great. Feeling and RELEASING feelings especially feelings that have been suppressed for a while can go a long way to supporting one’s overall physical health, emotional well being, increasing self esteem and retaining personal power.
Why Is This So?1. Feelings are felt in the body. When we feel and release our feelings we automatically feel lighter and have more energy. 2. All suppressed feelings must stay in the body because that is where we experience them. Negative feelings like guilt, fear, self-criticism and resentment are the most dangerous and physically harmful if and when they are suppressed especially over a long period of time say a few years or more. Feeling and releasing these negative feelings will go a long ways in supporting our physical and emotional well being. 3. When we release these negative feelings and they are replaced with positive ones we increase our self esteem because we feel better. 4. Feeling and releasing negative feelings especially suppressed feelings, helps to retain our personal power. How does this happen? It happens because we are no longer giving our power away to our emotionally suppressed self. 5. When we choose to feel and release suppressed feelings, we are at CHOICE in the matter. Personal power means we have choice. When we don’t have personal power we feel we don’t have choice and feel like a victim of our circumstances, in this case a victim of our emotionally suppressed selves. We are human beings that are made up of 4 distinct parts. Our (1) physical bodies, our (2) minds, thoughts and beliefs, our (3) feelings and emotions and finally our (4) spiritual self – the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual elements.
When we are happy, healthy and successful all 4 elements are pretty much in balance. Our bodies are healthy, we think happy thoughts, we feel happy, healthy and successful and we are closer to God, whatever we conceive God to be. Now as babies, we had no problem whatsoever expressing our feelings. When we were happy, we laughed. When we were hungry we yelled. When we were upset or angry, we yelled even louder. It seemed the whole world knew how we were feeling. Then something happened.
It was no longer okay to feel what we were feeling. If our parents were not comfortable in the expression of feelings, then that’s what got passed down to us.
Now it may seem like I am laying the blame at our parent’s feet for our emotional suppression. But it only seems that way. Our parents did the best they could with what they knew. If they didn’t know better, how could they do it differently? In other words, if their own parents were not comfortable with any and all feelings, how could they pass on what they didn’t receive?
Do you see how it all works? John Bradshaw, the Family System Therapist, called this the Multigenerational Poisonous Pedagogy. That which gets passed down from generation to generation and is never questioned. This is how we do things and we are going to do these things whether they work or not because this is how we do things. Do you see the insanity of what happens in families? No wonder family counsellors are busy. Now I am talking about full self expression and release of feelings, not values that are passed down from generation to generation, like be honest, work hard, treat others like you want to be treated.
Expressing and releasing feelings is a whole other ballgame. My very first negative memory from my childhood, was when I was about 5 yrs old. I remember being very mad at my younger 3 yr old sister. We were in the kitchen in the house we grew up in. I looked at her and said I wish you were dead. My Dad heard me and said don’t you ever talk that way to your sister, and shook his finger at me. I sucked up the anger. Anger was definitely a feeling that was not okay to express in our household.
Looking back as an adult, the reason I was angry was because I was used to getting all the attention and now Gail was the baby of the family.
If and a big if it is, anger was okay to feel and express in my family and my Dad had the knowledge to emotionally validate me, he would have said something like (with feeling), You’re really angry with your sister. I would have felt safe and validated to want to share more of what I felt and why. Don’t put any conditions on or have any expectations around feeling your feelings. Feelings are meant to be felt AND released, nothing more, nothing less. There is nothing to figure out or analyze. So, stay out of your head. Stay with the feelings until they are released. What happens when we express and release these feelings? We usually then feel the opposite. If we have an excess of feelings that need to be felt, we will feel more of the same, until that excess is released.
For example: Anger then joy Guilt then innocence Sadness then happiness Fear then safety
Self Esteem Affirmations AND Emotional Work
Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my anger.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my anger, the better I feel.
I (your first name) am a powerful man or woman.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my anger.
Pick one, two or all four and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on anger.
Emotional Work:If you feel angry or even think you might feel angry, especially if you are depressed, rest assured the following exercise will help.
Take a baseball bat or tennis racquet and beat the crap out of your bed. That’s right, you read it right! You are not hurting yourself and you’re certainly not hurting the bed. To make this exercise even more powerful and meaningful, before you do any thrashing of the bed, do this written exercise.
Write down all the things you feel angry about. Pick the one that you feel most angry about. Flip that statement around into a positive self esteem affirmation.
Now, when you beat the bed, say or better yet, yell out that positive statement. Give yourself permission to really be angry. Remember, the bed won’t take it personally. Really let go and get into it.
Examples: I’m angry because my life sucks. Positive self esteem affirmation: My life is great!!
I’m angry because nothing is working out. Positive self esteem affirmation: Everything is working out!! I’m angry because I am broke. Positive self esteem affirmation. I (your first name) am a powerful, prosperous man!!
I’m angry because my girlfriend dumped me. Positive self esteem affirmation. I (your first name) now forgive (first name of ex girlfriend).
I’m angry because I don’t feel good enough. Positive self esteem affirmation. I (your first name) am good enough just the way I am.
Do this exercise when you’re alone in the house or if you have family around explain to them what you are about to do. Lock the bedroom door if you can. Challenges:
You might feel half-hearted about doing this exercise and won’t allow yourself to fully get into it. You might also feel somewhat embarrassed and uncomfortable about expressing the anger. No one has ever died of embarrassment or being uncomfortable. The more you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.
If you are really into it and you are somewhat surprised at the amount of anger that keeps coming up and you start to feel overwhelmed. Take a break.
Feelings only need to be felt AND released, nothing more needs to be done with them. If we have a lot of anger and it hasn’t been expressed in an appropriate manner, it may take a few sessions of beating the bed to express it all. How do you beat the bed and yell out “My life is great” when there is absolutely no evidence to speak of that one’s life is great?!!
Trust in the process. Get out of your head – don’t try to figure it all out. Expressing and releasing the anger is the main intention of this exercise.
Expressing and releasing anger in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others, is a powerful powerful way to release and heal the past, feel joyous and experience more love for oneself. When one expresses “old anger” and releases it, one lightens up and stops being so “heavy”, depressed and dragged down.
Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my guilt.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my guilt, the better I feel.
I (your first name) am an innocent man or woman.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my guilt.
Pick one, two or all four and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on guilt.
Emotional Work:Guilt keeps us stuck, forever rehashing what we feel we did wrong. The only way out is through forgiveness. Write out EVERYTHING you feel guilty about on a piece of paper. When you are finished and feel you have mined the depths of your guilt, write across the page FORGIVEN. Burn the page. Don’t believe in your guilt. Remember it’s just a feeling meant to felt and released.
Scream into a pillow, in the privacy of your bedroom, I forgive myself completely.
Write out this self esteem affirmation:
I (your first name) completely forgive myself. The word completely is important. Write the affirmation 70 times a day for 7 consecutive days.
Sometimes feeling guilty requires an action on our part.
Say we had an argument with our partner and we feel guilty about some of the things we said. If and when that’s the case, we need to apologize to our partner and release the guilt.
Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my sadness.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my sadness, the better I feel.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my sadness.
Pick one, two or all three and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on sadness.
Emotional Work:Allow yourself to cry, preferably in the comfort and privacy of one’s bedroom or with a partner you love and trust. You want to be in a situation where you will not be judged. Even if you feel sad without any tears, at least you’re feeling something.
Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my fear.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my fear, the better I feel.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my fear.
Pick one, two or all three and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on fear.
Emotional Work:Overcoming fear is an illusion. There is nothing to overcome. Feel the fear and do it anyway!!
Fear is just a feeling, nothing more, nothing less. It is just like all are other feelings such as sadness, guilt, joy and love.
A feeling needs to be felt AND released. Take a big breath in and just let go. Keep doing this until you can feel the fear begin to lessen.
Often times when we feel fear we think we automatically have to do something about it. We are still busy reacting rather than creating.
It’s more important that we feel the fear rather than suppressing it by taking action over and above the fear.
Be bigger than your fear by owning the fear. I have fear rather than fear has me. I am feeling fearful rather than being fearful owns me. It’s all a matter of perception and ownership. For example:
I used to have a fear of Doctors. Now having cancer (please see About Me on my website www.selfesteemhelpnow.com for more info), I see Doctors once a month. I even laugh with them and joke around. My fear has lessened.
Something I have come to realize is that fear isn’t real. It’s a feeling about something or someone and not the truth about it. My fear of Doctors was based on they are more powerful than me. I am nobody compared to them. When I first had cancer I was determined to be treated like a human being and not just a body. So I called all the Doctors I saw, even the surgeon, by their first name. Most, not all, were comfortable with this.
Calling all the Doctors and the surgeon by their first name, gave me my power back. I kept my personal power rather than give it away to my fear. I also got to see that my fear of Doctors was NOT the truth about them. I was giving my power away and not noticing it or taking any responsibility for it. Once I realized what I was doing I resolved to consciously change the situation. So I did.
I didn’t honestly know what would occur. Would they get upset? Be indignant. Demand that I call them Dr. so and so.
However, I believe they somehow felt my determination to be treated as a man, and acted accordingly. Remember, Doctors are just like anybody else, except they have specialized knowledge, no more, no less. Scream or yell, I am safe, into a pillow. Do this in the privacy of your bedroom with the door closed and locked and no one home. Keep one hand over your belly to remind you to yell from your stomach, the seat of emotions, and not your throat.
This will help deal with excessive fear. Overcoming fear isn’t necessary. Feeling the fear and releasing it, owning the fear, taking responsibility for the fear, is necessary. Remember, fear is not the truth, only a feeling to be felt and released.
Not good enough, not worthy, undeserving
1). Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my not good enough feelings.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my not good enough feelings, the better I feel.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my not good enough feelings.
Pick one, two or all three and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on not good enough.
2). Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my not worthy feelings.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my not worthy feelings, the better I feel.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my not worthy feelings.
Pick one, two or all three and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on not worthy.
3). Self Esteem Affirmations:It is safe and rewarding for me (your first name) to feel and release my undeserving feelings.
The more I (your first name) feel and release my undeserving feelings, the better I feel.
I (your first name) feel safe when I feel and release my undeserving feelings.
Pick one, two or all three and write them each out 30 times a day without the ego minds response. Do this on the days you are doing the emotional work on undeserving.
Emotional Work:I call these the BIG 3. They are closely tied to low self esteem. If they are not felt and released they can wreak havoc in our lives, undermining our good intentions every step of the way.
The only way out, is the way through. In the privacy of your bedroom, scream into a pillow the following: I (your first name) am good enough; I (your first name) am worthy and I (your first name) am deserving. As mentioned earlier, scream from your belly and not your throat.
Feeling better or the opposite is all dependent on how emotionally suppressed one is. If for example, you are uncomfortable expressing anger you could have a whole lot of suppressed anger that needs to be felt and released. This could take days if not weeks to resolve. When I first started doing the emotional work I had so much suppressed anger I thought I was going to scream my life away. Eventually I got through it and felt more joy than I had ever experienced in my life!
One of the great things about expressing and releasing all that suppressed anger is I became more comfortable with my anger. I stopped being afraid that I would hurt someone or myself. The anger didn’t feel bigger than me. I had the anger, the anger didn’t have me. I also became more comfortable with saying no, and stopped being a people pleaser.
It is safe and rewarding to feel and release all your feelings. Besides being a physical, mental and spiritual being you are also an emotional being. An emotional being complete with a full set of feelings.
A major part of healing the past (which is all we are essentially doing), is to relearn how to feel and release feelings and being comfortable in doing this. Having suppressed feelings is not good for our overall health.
Feelings live in our bodies. When we feel and release feelings, we automatically feel lighter, more alive and have more energy. We are choosing life!!
When we suppress our feelings, we feel heavier, depressed, more dragged down and have less energy. In a way, we are choosing death or numbness. Make the commitment to feel and release your feelings. You will be doing yourself a huge service. Your gift to the world, is to live a healed life!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this original article.
The next newsletter is due out July 1st, 2016.
Self esteem quote: The point of power is always in the present moment!
Comments, questions and observations please e-mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
With love, Dave.
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